I recently had a conversation with a friend that hit really close to home. The conversation was about their cycle of failed relationships. My friend couldn't seem to understand why every relationship they encounter ends disastrously. We have had frequent conversations about dating before, during and after each one of these relationships. But this particular conversation was different because my friend said something that I did not expect. This particular statement stopped me in my tracks because it just reminded me so much of my former self. 'I feel like I have a huge void that clearly needs to be filled somehow.' (This was in reference to why they constantly feel the need to have a significant other in their life.) My friend has been seeking out relationships to fill this void.
The reason I know this is because I used to do the same thing. Ever since I was a kid I would read stories and watch movies where a man and a woman would fall so deeply in love and they would live happily ever after. Or at least until the book or movie stopped (which was very misleading because nobody ever talks about what happens when HAPPILY EVER AFTER starts, but I digress). So I always thought when I grow up I am going to have this amazing man walk into my life and fall into the happiness I had always been missing. I honestly wish I could go back and slap my younger self sometimes.
So when I did meet this Mr. Right (or so I thought) I just knew this was the 'Happily Ever After' I had been dreaming of since I was a kid. So I dove in head first. We dated. He proposed. We got married. We started planning for our future family and then we hit a wall. We lost a baby. I discovered he was cheating. He refused to stop. We then separated. And I was left depressed and confused. What had gone wrong? I thought I had met Mr. Right (you know that guy that rescues us ladies to a better, happier life) but somehow everything went terribly wrong.
See here is the issue. That void of loneliness, love, and a deep connection is sold to us as a void that can be filled with a significant other. But that void is not intended for a spouse. That void is for God. He made us with an empty space just right for us to fill it with him, but we alway try and put people (or things, money, success) in that space. What we fail to realize is that those things aren't big enough to fill that space. A space intended for God is never going to be fulfilled by anything other than God. That's like saying you're going to fill an Olympic sized swimming pool with 5 gallons of water. It's just not gonna work. People and things just do not have what it takes.
'You, God, are my God, earnestly I seek you; I thirst for you, my whole being longs for you in a dry and parched land where there is no water.' Psalm 63:1
We always reference our significant others as our other half as if without them we are only a half a person. That statement is only semi true. We are not WHOLE by ourselves, but the wholeness comes from a relationship with God not a man or woman. God gave us a space in our heart that only he can fill so that once we seek after him and form a relationship with him that we will be completely whole.
This was a hard lesson to learn but I hope that I can help at least one other person learn it too. Please stop looking to relationships to save you when Jesus already did that. If you are looking to find a way to fill that emptiness, loneliness, etc. first you have to find God and let him fill you up and make you whole. Now I am not saying that you won't ever feel lonely or you won't want a relationship because that's simply not true. But what I am saying is that you won't end up in a relationship out of loneliness or desperation because you know who to look to when you feel that way.
I believe God intentionally gave us an empty space so we can fill it with him because he desires our love, time, and commitment. Spend time developing a connection to God and your heart, mind, spirit, and life will change from the inside, out.
"For in him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily, and you are complete in him, who is the head of all principality and power.' Colossians 2:9-10